While the drama behind the shows captures my attention as well, it's more than that. It's about being completely interested in the crimes themselves. I want to study it. I want to find out why and how. I'd love to delve into the minds involved. I know it sounds insane. But it's true. I want to delve into these cases and study them fully to find out the whys of it all.
I have once entertained studying criminology and maybe figuring out a way to be an investigator myself, but I don't know if I could put myself in that environment every day without it breaking me. I'm an Empath. I know that makes things even weirder. Even though they are just shows, seeing bodies do make me cringe. It's about the investigation itself.
In the end, I don't think I'd want to go into criminology to become a detective or agent. But I would love to go into the field. I'd love to do extensive research to find out more cases. I would love to research and evaluate everything. I'm not sure in what way I'd use it. Either to figure out a way to help victims and find out why people do what they do or to write extensive books about it.
Not many people know this, but I can't really say crime shows got me into this passion. A very popular crime did. I was ten years old when it was broadcasted all over the news. And as far as I know, the case was never solved. I'm referring to the Jon Benet Ramsey case.
I can't explain it, but it really stuck with me. I mean I was only ten years old but I've never been able to shake the case. I don't even know these people. I never knew this little girl until this horrible tragedy. But it affected me. To this day, I can't look at the tabloid posts claiming they have made a break. It upsets me because I feel like it's an insult to her memory to post false news.
Here's the thing. Am I horrible? Am I evil for feeling this way? The more I think about it, the more right it feels. I'm in no way intelligent. I'm just your average person. I really don't know what else to say. I would love to research more into this field. I'd love to find out what happened in the events that lead up to it and if things could have been prevented.
I've always been terrified to pursue anything I'm interested in because I was afraid of what others would think. I was afraid of being considered a freak of nature. I'm 33 years old. It's time to let that fear go before I wake up one day and realize I wasted it all away and regret it. I don't want to have would have could have should have moments when it comes to things I'm passionate about.
When I think about this topic, my main thought is what I can do to help. Everybody is different. Some people look for answers. Some people just want to put it behind them. I'm the type that likes to find answers, but I'm also the type that cares.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter. Also, am I too old to even consider taking a career decision? Am I jumping the gun? Is there such work in research and analysis? What are your passions? What shows are you interested in?
Side Note: If you're interested in some darker tales, please check out Rob Gavagan on YouTube. I don't watch his videos like I used to, but that's more because of time constraint than not being interested. Here's the link:
Hope you enjoyed this blog. I'd love to hear your thoughts. It means a lot to me that you took the time to read through this.